Tibetan people believe that children should be treated like “kings” until the age of 5 and regarded as being in a “learning phase” from ages 5 to 10. Their parenting system has a long tradition and is detailed as follows:
All parents hope their children will grow up to be happy and intelligent individuals, but the methods often depend on societal norms and what people in that country consider correct. The book The Tibetan Art of Parenting: From Before Conception Through Early Childhood by En Maiden-Brown, Eddie Farwell, and Dr. Dick Nilson explains how Tibetans raise their children.
This book is not written as a conventional manual for parents but as a document of daily life and wisdom, allowing readers to decide how to apply it to their own lives. This mysterious country, known for its highest average altitude, is often depicted as a land of wisdom and spirituality, inhabited by happy people. According to the book, there are four crucial phases in a child’s life:
Tibetan Children
Photo: Wolf Huebner
Up to 5 Years Old – Treat the Child Like a King
Tibetans believe that during the first five years, a child should be treated “like a king.” The boundaries of obedience and understanding must be clear. Nothing should be prohibited, and distraction should be used as a tool by all parents.
These early years are a time to form activity, curiosity, and interest. Parents must remember that children cannot yet understand long logical chains, and punishment may be perceived as an act of repression.
From 5 to 10 Years Old – Treat the Child as in the “Learning Phase”
This is the time to treat the child as being in the “learning phase.” Assign tasks to the child and expect them to complete them. For failed tasks, provide advice and explanations as a form of punishment.
However, physical punishment should be avoided by all means. This is a period when intellect actively develops. Children should learn to predict people’s reactions to their behavior, maintain a positive attitude toward others, and avoid negative actions. The main focus should be on reinforcing the child’s desire for knowledge.
From 10 to 15 Years Old – Treat the Child as an Equal
This might sound a bit strange, but despite having more experience and education, parents should treat their children as equals.
Now is the time to address important issues with the child and ensure their independence. Your primary focus should be to listen to their demands and challenges while offering advice and tricks. During this period, autonomy and independent thinking develop.
From 15 Years Old – Treat the Child with Respect
Respect is the final lesson but not the least important. It is now too late to teach other values. It is time to reap the rewards of past efforts.
In this crucial stage, pay attention to the following Tibetan wisdom, as it may be helpful for this important task:
- Respect the Simplicity of a Child’s Mind
According to Dr. En Maiden-Brown, a psychotherapist and social psychologist, children have a simple mind until they develop the ability to link experiences, sensations, emotions, and thoughts to situations and past experiences.
- Don’t Ignore Imitation, Memory, Tactile Sensations, and Movement
Tibetans emphasize teaching children through imitation, memory, tactile sensations, and movement. This allows material meanings to enter consciousness intuitively and intellectually.
Tibetan Parenting Rules
Photo: Stefan Aus
- Create a Clean Learning Environment
For Tibetans, the learning environment should be clean, compassionate, and filled with a sense of sacredness. It is important to correct mistakes without blaming. Additionally, children need to be protected and healed when facing frightening experiences or anxious images.
- Focus on Basic Values
Children mimic, so it is important to demonstrate values such as compassion, honesty, and sharing through one’s own actions.
Tibetan Parenting Rules
Photo: Sergey Orlov
- Harmony in Everything
Harmonious relationships are considered very important, and even small children should be taught how to engage in balanced interactions with other children, animals, and nature.
- No Humiliation or Physical Punishment
There is no humiliation or physical punishment. Tibetans believe that hitting a child is because the child cannot rebel.
Tibetan Parenting Rules
Photo: Ladakh / Zanskar Photography
What Might Happen if These Rules Are Not Followed?
- Oppressing a child up to 5 years old suppresses their vitality, desire for life, and intellect.
- Teaching a child to obey meaningless cruelty makes them defenseless against all kinds of dangers.
- Continuing to treat a child like a “king” after age 5 results in a person who is immature, unable to work, and lacking in mental effort.
- Treating a child like a baby after age 10 leads to the development of an unstable individual.
- Children become dependent on friends and their environment, which may not always have a positive influence.
- If a child is not respected after age 15, they will not forgive you and will leave you as soon as possible.
The Reference Article TIBETANCI smatraju da su DECA do 5. GODINE KRALJEVI, a od 5. do 10. ROBOVI: Njihov sistem vaspitanja ima dugu tradiciju, a evo kako detaljno izgleda
